Forgiveness
by totemo
Summary: Sirius is acting like an idiot, as per usual. This time, though, it's because he's trying to forget something terrible he's done. James makes him face his fears and apologise... SB/RL


Disclaimer: All recognisable characters and situations belong to one J. K. Rowling. But I can't believe you don't know that already…

Warning: Contains SLASH. Personally, that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. If it leaves you cold and nauseous, read something else, please.

A/N: I am writing this at a quarter past midnight in a state of extreme tiredness. But I really feel like writing it so… yeah. Apologies if anything's rubbish! If you think it is, tell me. If you think it isn't, tell me. Spread the love, people! ALSO, I will likely include this in a long, Marauder-era fic I've only just started churning out, but updates on that will come as I write more. And I need to finish another fic I've had on hold for just about forever first… anyway! Here we go…

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Forgiveness

Sirius really, _really_ wishes they'd stop that. It wasn't cute an hour ago, and it isn't cute now. He kicks James, hard, in the shin in the hope of effecting some change.

Absolutely nothing. He's still glued to the _bloody_ lips of _bloody_ Lily Evans, and apparently no amount of potentially crippling pain is about to stop that. Sirius breathes out loudly through his nose, a kind of _harrumph_ noise designed to show his feelings of intense betrayal and deep-seated resentment at his best friend ignoring him. Still no effect.

Only one thing for it… yes, he has to do it, for the good of Marauders everywhere! This is a noble gesture, this is for the greater good, he is merely demonstrating the quick-thinking and brilliant intelligence that is his birthright as a member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black! With this straightened out in his mind, Sirius picks up the bottle of quick-dry ink on the table next to him and pours it all over James Potter's head with a satisfied and not a little vindictive grin.

Now _that_ works.

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"OhdearGodthatwassofunnyjustsofunnyahahahahahahahahis_face_!!!" chokes Peter, tears streaming down his cheeks. Sirius remains stony faced, sat on his bed and staring at James, positioned similarly opposite him.

"It was most definitely not funny, and you bloody well know it." James snaps. "You interrupted me and Lily. You're lucky I'm not hurting you right now."

Sirius rolls his eyes dramatically.

"Well, I did _try_ other methods, but you didn't seem to be paying any attention for some stupid, red-headed reason." Peter roars with laughter.

"Why the hell was it so important anyway? Can't a man have a little time alone with his girlfriend?"

"Since when were –" Sirius spits the word "– _girlfriends_ more important than Marauders? I mean, what's so special about her anyway? What's she got that I haven't, for Merlin's sake?" Peter holds his hands in front of his chest, raising his eyebrows suggestively. He then ruins the effect by making a sound which starts as _pfffffffft_ and ends up in another helpless wave of giggles. Sirius glares at him.

James pushes his glasses up and pinches the bridge of his nose, a pretentiously adult gesture which makes anger flare up in Sirius once again.

"Remus is still in the fucking hospital wing two days after the full moon – _two days_, James – and you're too busy shoving you tongue down Evans' throat to even worry about it. See what I mean? You should be thinking about the Marauders right now, not bloody Evans! Your priorities are messed up! Don't you even _care_?"

"Of course I fucking care, Sirius!" shouts James, suddenly rising from his bed. Peter isn't laughing any more. "But that doesn't mean I have to mope about like you all the time, doing nothing but annoying everyone else and – and getting in their way! It was just… a bad transformation, that's all." James sits down again, deflated. "You know that, Pads."

Sirius' eyes look a little too big and shiny. His hands are gripping the scarlet bedclothes. He doesn't meet James' gaze. In a small voice, he says, "I know. I'm sorry. I'm – I'm sorry, Prongs." He curls in on himself, face pressed against his knees. Peter doesn't make a sound.

After an indefinable amount of time James rises, crosses to Sirius, and puts his arms around his shoulders.

"It isn't me you should be apologising to," he whispers.

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Everything seems too bright, still. And Remus can almost _taste_ the smells. It hasn't had this bad an effect for over a year… He raises a shaking hand – _pathetic_, he thinks to himself – and presses it into his eyes, relishing the cool darkness. It hurts a little, but that's okay. Anything to distract him, to stop him thinking about what he tried to… what he almost…

There is a slight creak as the door opens. Remus lifts his hand away from his left eye and half opens it, recognising Sirius even through the darting, dark afterimages. Putting his hand back onto the mattress, he moves to pull himself up a little in the bed.

"No – don't, Moony, just… just don't. I know you won't want me here for long. I'll – I'll be quick, so there's no need to push yourself."

Remus snorts. "Trust me, I'm bored out of my skull. A little light exercise will give me an adrenaline rush the like of which man has never seen." Sirius smiles weakly, confusedly, as Remus pulls himself into a sitting position and gestures to the chair beside the bed. "Finally come to face me?"

Crossing to the chair, Sirius nods, hesitantly. There's a pause.

"Well, go on then. Explain."

Sirius breathes in, then out, then in again.

"I was stupid, Moony. I was so, _so_ stupid. He was just, you know, _there_, like he always is, and I snapped and blurted out how to find you. He was asking questions; he'd already figured it out." Sirius looks startled and intensely worried. "Not that I'm trying to make excuses, not at all, God! It was entirely, totally my fault. Well, and his a little, because he was just _there_ being _Snivellus_ like he _always bloody is_ and he was poking his greasy nose in where it wasn't wanted. Not that it ever is. But anyway, it's just what he was saying and…" Sirius trails off, flicking his thumbnail in his lap.

"What was he saying, Sirius?" prompts Remus, gently.

After a brief hesitation, Sirius replies, "He said things about you. Stupid, untrue things. And I just… well. No one's allowed to talk about you like that. No one's allowed to insult you or ignore you because you're, you know, _you_ and… wow, I just way overused that pronoun. Sorry. I know you hate that, you think it's unimaginative. Merlin, I'm doing it again, Moony!" Sirius stares at his friend – _dearGodpleasestillmyfriend_ – in desperation, panic writ large across his face.

And Moony laughs.

"What? What have I done?" Sirius looks, briefly, even more confused. Remus flaps a hand vaguely at him, still doubled up with laughter, and the confusion morphs into a bizarre kind of righteous indignation. "Hey, Moony! Hey! I'm _trying_ to explain to you how I nearly got Snape killed, not to mention confessing my deepest darkest grammatical sins. This is no laughing matter!"

"No. No, of course not. It's just you're, you're so damn _earnest_! It's adorable, really, it is. See? I'm not laughing any more. Stopped, finished, _finite_. I swear." Remus is nonetheless grinning widely at the still suspicious looking boy in front of him, and suppressing the occasional giggle. "Seriously. Or, sorry, Siriusly."

_Oh, wow. Remus is actually telling terrible jokes to make _me_ feel better, two days after _I_ nearly turned him into a murderer. He's so… _God_ he's just so incredible, and I'm such an idiot! I'm such a fucking coward!! Well, bollocks to that. I'm Sirius bloody Black and I _will_ say this if it kills me._

Mentally exhausted, Sirius falls forward onto the bed. "Okay. You're forgiven," he mumbles into the duvet. Only of course this isn't audible, sounding something like, "mmhay. Oor hohihmm." So he sits up, determinedly, and leans forward to talk to Remus.

"You're forgiven for laughing. Now let me finish my whole explanation so you can forgive _me_."

"I already –" Remus begins, looking startled.

"No interruptions, or my kind and benevolent forgiveness is withdrawn! Now, I figure that, seeing as you already hate me for this whole incident – shut up, Moony – I might as well take the opportunity to say _everything_ to you. Explain myself properly."

Remus feels a little wrench in his stomach he's fairly sure has nothing to do with the after-effects of the transformation. He's never seen Sirius look so determined.

"Well, the reason I lost it so magnificently with Snape is that he insulted you. He was asking all these questions, and I quite reasonably and politely enquired as to why he was so interested, and was he a bloody poofter. He said no he wasn't, but either _you_ were or there was some other reason you disappeared every month at the full moon for a couple of days, because you sure as hell weren't sneaking off with a girl.

"And I guess that made me really angry because, well, I kind of hoped it was true. The bit about you not liking girls, that is. And it just seemed so wrong to me that that bastard could make me feel jealous, and that he could stand there sneering about you, I mean, _you._ Don't get me wrong, I'm not gay or anything." Sirius waves his hands frantically in front of his face. "I just hated the thought of him thinking about you at all, really. _I_ should be the one doing that. No, that's not what I mean. What I mean is…wargh!!"

Sirius runs his hands roughly through his hair, so it sticks out madly in a way not dissimilar to James', and looks up at Remus again.

"What I mean is, I went temporarily insane because he confused me. He made me realise, in a weird way, that I… I like you, Moony. I mean, I _really_ like you. Not _boys_, like I say, I'm not… but _you_. You can turn me down if you want to. I mean, you already hate me – shut up, Moony – so I wouldn't be losing you, not really. But I just had to tell you, you know, how I feel about you. Before you disowned me completely. Oh dear God, I'm _still_ saying 'you'. It's like a bloody disease, stop me Moony!"

And Remus does. He leans forward and places his hand on Sirius' cheek, and Sirius stops talking.

"I forgive you. Honestly, I do. And I'm sorry, but I really rather like Snape if he's the reason for your telling me all this." He smiles coyly at Sirius, and leans forward to bridge the last few inches between them.

_Warghhbgllmnahgsaaaaargh_ says Sirius' brain. _Shut up_, he replies, and for once, he does as he's told.

Remus' lips are gentle and delicate and just the slightest bit chapped, hesitant and soft in their touch. Sirius is on fire everywhere they touch: his cheek; his fingertips, which are tentatively touching Remus' own; and his lips, especially his lips.

Remus pulls away, and Sirius makes a little sound of dissent in his throat. It isn't quite as manly as he'd have hoped, but he's somewhat slightly dazed so can't really feel too embarrassed about it.

"Is that… is that okay?" Remus asks, meekly, after an infinitesimal moment has passed.

Sirius gurgles a little, then clears his throat and tries again.

"That was… God, Remus! You actually… you really… thank you, thank you so much." And suddenly he's laughing, and Remus is smiling, and all the guilt and the worry is lifted from his chest and he feels lighter and freer than he ever has before. And he's taking Remus' hand and pulling him forward – Remus gives a surprised squeak that isn't all that manly either, and that's ok too – into another kiss, more certain, more sure. Sirius feels like his insides might come bursting out; one person can't hold this much happiness in, can they?

And he holds Remus tight, and he kisses him, sweet and purifying and so, so perfect, and he knows that it's the start of something. And he's scared and confused and amazingly, gut-wrenchingly happy and he's _kissing Remus_ and more importantly Remus is _kissing him back_. And nothing else matters.

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A/N: Yeah, that's what he thinks… wait 'til Madam Pomfrey catches him and gives him a huge telling off for causing Remus undue stress… nah, I'm not that mean ^^ Hope you like! R&R please, you wonderful people! Flattery will get you everywhere and all that… and extra puppy love and maybe a oneshot-of-your-choice to anyone who spots the almost impossibly hard to notice David Bowie reference, to a song from the album 'Space Oddity'… here's a clue: track 2 :)


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